Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
