Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
