Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
