will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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