Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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