shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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