Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
