This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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