I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
