I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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