and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
