Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
