seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
