umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
