The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
