I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
