Don't you send me to vm
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
