we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
