she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
