Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
