I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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