Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
