What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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