he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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