So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
