Screwed.edu
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
