If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize