That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
