i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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