i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
