just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
