Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
