And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
