Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
