xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
