Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
