Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
