The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
