Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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