just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
