I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
