I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
