shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
