you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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