i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
