he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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