My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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