Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
