i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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