You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
