I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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