Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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