the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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