Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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