my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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