im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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