What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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