mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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