i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
