The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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