So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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