Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
