People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Houston, we have a squirter
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
