he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
