My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
