Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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