i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
