I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
