So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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