You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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