When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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