Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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