The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
