Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
