that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
