So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
