is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
