i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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